far too much writing, far too many photos

It could be I need to stop reading Zippy the Pinhead’s daily comic as often as I do. A friend posted this photo on her facebook page with the caption ‘the pulsing stellar nurseries of Orion’s Great Nebula’ – I could barely restrain myself from leaving the following comment under her post:

pulsing stellar nurseries!
pulsing stellar nurseries!
pulsing stellar nurseries!

I should probably be worried. But there are more pressing sources of angst to focus my attention on.

To wit: Another Christmas come and gone. For that matter, another year come and gone, or just about. Sincerely, I have no idea where in hell the days disappeared to this last year. It all whipped by at such ungodly speed that I find myself doing the existential equivalent of staring around, confused and disoriented.

But more than that, something I mostly don’t think about (‘cause there’s not a whole lot I can do about it): the progressively nonexistent state of my family of birth.

Brief recap: the only remaining member of f.o.b. is a brother, substantially older than me. Someone I was tight with for many years. After the ‘rents checked out several years back, bro began getting distant. My imagination, I thought at first, or an understandable result of several intense years of family drama during the ‘rents’ long fadeout. But the distancing continued, became alarming, and when I tried to talk with him about it, he resisted getting into it, continued putting ever-increasing distance between us.

Four years ago, me back in Vermont getting the house ready to sell. I made four attempts at contact with bro during that December — two phone calls, an email, a Christmas card. (In the run-up to a previous Christmas, he told me he didn’t want to exchange gifts any more — contacts like this were the options that remained for me.) No response — he never answered any of those attempts. I took that as a clear confirmation of the state of things and moved on.

When I was back in Vermont this last May, we had some brief contact, he seemed conciliatory, with a softer ‘tude toward me. Two to three weeks ago, I put together a nice e-Christmas card (featuring this photo:)….

….and sent it to both bro and sister-in-law.

No response from either of them. Just silence.

This is really not much fun.

[Continued in following entry.]

España, te amo

2 Responses to “”

  1. Angelica

    Ouch, it really got me this post of yours…I’m kind of going through the same thing…only I have most of my F.o.b. alive…they just don’t give a blip if I exist or not…my brother to whom I used to be tight years before has also gotten a little appart from me, only my mother left…so I kind of get you. Good thing there is always people around that are able to be like family ;) God Bless you and Happy New Year :)

  2. Suze

    Jus wanna say that photo of the street you used for an e-christmas card is awesome :)

    Christmas is meant to be perfect but the reality is for most people it’s the opposite…it makes us realise how imperfect things like our family are…check out my first blog post (under my games review) for my own holiday difficulties experience.

    http://boozysmadteaparty.blogspot.com/

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